Why are there so many cutesy cop stories popping up on Facebook?

Monday, 27 July 2015

Cops are cute fluffly mammals that have never harmed anyone ever so don't say they have cos they ent
Has anyone else noticed a spate of cutesy cop stories popping up on social media feeds lately?

Baby owl gets a talking to from a police officer after being found wandering in road
"Boulder County Sheriffs Office tweeted: After curious head-twisiting on both sides, it flew safely away. #DeputiesLoveBabyOwls"


Video of cop pulling his kids over for being 'too cute' in toy car is the most adorable thing you'll see today
"He said he put the video together to show a lighter side to policing, and remind people that cops have families too. The video, originally published to Facebook, was shared thousands of times this week after local news stations started to air it."

Police help elderly woman mow lawn
"Officer C.McCoy, with the Brookhaven Police Department, volunteered to help her by finishing the task himself."

This Police Puppy Will Make You Cry With Cuteness
"While all seven puppies are adorable, Whiskey is by far the cutest and has become the darling of social media."

It's a logical step for PR companies (or 'multimedia platform providers' as they now call themselves) to use social media in order to improve the deteriorating image of police departments around the anglophone world. After all, it's the myriad photos / videos of police brutality posted onto social media that have helped to create widespread public mistrust of the police in the first place. But I'm pretty sure that no-one expected the social media reaction to be quite so... nauseatingly cutesy.
For every aggressive, institutionalised plod out there, there's almost certainly two or three good coppers who actually believe in social justice (despite a fundamental part of their job dictating that they use force against public gatherings in order to maintain the status quo). We all know that perfectly reasonable cops exist, and surely don't need this stomach-churning Copaganda put out as national news (especially as we're probably paying the PR companies with our taxes).

Seeing as social media is destined to become an integral part of policing, I'd like to see more transparent, two-way communication between police and public, rather than be on the end of a one way shower of shiny-badged high jinks and fluffy animals. That, and for cops to stop shooting and beating and suffocating people to death, obviously.

But, until that day comes, why not take this opportunity to join me in writing your very own cutesy police story? The best effort will receive a fluffy baby owl sent by 2nd class post.*


*obligatory disclaimer - fluffy baby owl may arrive dead



Pigs Enlist Piglets to Help with Questioning Naughty Suspects

Police in Sleepy Pillow County, MN, have found a novel way to question suspects - using newborn micro piglets.

In favour of traditional interrogation methods, suspects in Sleepy Pillow are restrained to a chair using fluffy handcuffs, whilst micro piglets are released into the room. Following 25 minutes of nuzzling, cuddling and canoodling, suspects are said to have 'seen the error of their ways', according to Pillow County Sheriff, Bob Downybottom.

"Shortly afterward, we release our suspect with a gift of a large lollipop,", Downybottom continued. "Then we tweet about it, and update our Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr feeds. Having cute piglets in the office sure is a good morale booster. And come lunchtime you can simply pick one up and grill it in the sandwich toaster for 5 minutes. They're fucking delicious with smokey BBQ sauce."

Police in nearby Sugarplum County are considering a similar change in protocol, but would prefer to utilise baby velociraptors instead. -Reuters

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